I am moody.

Seasons change.
I don't notice.

I’ve loved
Lost
And loved again.
Made mistakes.
I want to take them back.
Can't…
I spent ten years asking, "Why me?"
Told no one…

I’ve fought with my brothers.
My mother.
Father.
Best friends.
Lost my aunt after only six years of having her.
Didn't cry.
Don't know why.
A year later, I broke down.
Don't understand that either.
Now I cry.
She is being replaced.
I don't like it.

My room's a mess.
Papers, clothes, books, ink pots, pens scattered everywhere.
It's my sanctuary.
Don't make me clean it
I'll be lost…
Been lost before.
It was my brother's fault.
I was only three.
Always there for me now.
He wants to talk.
I just listen.
I have two brothers.
They both talk a lot.
Love them both for it.
I miss them terribly
but I'll never tell them.
Not now, at least.


I have three sisters.
Did I tell you that?
Not by blood
but by friendship and love.
They don't judge me.
They know me entirely too well.
Perhaps better than I know myself.
They are my best friends.

I fear the future.
Not what it holds for me.
It’s knowing I may not be the same ten years from now.
We must grow and change.
I don’t want to.
I'd like to be the Peter Pan of our generation.
Forever sixteen.

I've been told I'm beautiful.
Once.

It's almost Christmas.
We're getting our tree soon.
My favorite day of the season
Besides Christmas Day, of course.
Fighting over the tree
All of us finding separate "perfect trees".
Five of them.
Dad always wins...

I was promised a cookie spoon.
Six years ago.
I never got it.
Instead, I got six presents that ran the cookie spoon
Clear out of the race.
Five were part of my birthday gift.
The sixth was a best friend.

I dance.
All the time.
In my sleep, at school,
But mostly at the studio.
I focus completely on one thing when I dance.
Until the music starts
It's a mystery
but as soon as those first chords come,
It’s clear as ever.

The ocean’s true power
Was revealed to me at six years.
Never turn your back on the ocean.
He doesn’t like it one bit.

My friend works in a pet store.
She brought me a gerbil.
Told me to take him home.
He’d been abused.
The Runt.
I took him.
Dad said he’d last one week.
I had faith.
It’s been six months.

She moved into the corner house.
Ashley Gabrielle Ericksson
But she liked to be called “Gabby”.
We became best friends instantly
And for six years after that.
She moved.
I cried.
For three days.
I still miss her.

Replaced the backing of my baby blanket.
Twice.
It has been given so much love.
It will need new fabric again.
Very soon.

Turning fifteen leads to a party.
A party leads to playing games.
The game chosen?
Twister.
What does twister
On a concrete floor
Lead to?
Concussion…

Watched my brother lose his
Best friend
Freshman year of college.
What made me cry?
I couldn’t ease his pain.

It’s amazing how a word
One single word
Can make you laugh until
You can’t breathe
Or one sound
One single sound
Will make you laugh
Harder than you did at the single word.
They are the words
And sounds
You discover with your best friends.
I plan on finding many more
In the days to come.